i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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