final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
