The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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