I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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