Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
the day after is always just damage control
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
