The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
