I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
