...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
