Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
