ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
