Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
