my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Randomize
