is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
