Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
