so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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