your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Farmville is her only friend.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Randomize
