I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
he quoted the bible to break up with me
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
