you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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