I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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