How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
