We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
