That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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