How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
