We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
