This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
