No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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