You made me cry and you don't even care
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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