Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
