You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize