How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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