you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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