Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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