STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
