So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
