So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
worst night to have a conscience
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize