My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
