I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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