and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
