I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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