You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
