Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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