I think my fart just growled at me.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
