So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
