dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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