If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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