She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
