Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
