apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
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