I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
