I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
