theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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