Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize