Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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