i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
