I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
