I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I fill condoms, not promises.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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