I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
