I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
