i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
