just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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