So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
