It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
