I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Randomize
