Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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