I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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