You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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