Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
