I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
