Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Found your dick twin last night
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
