She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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