I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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