you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
